Oh hey, didn’t see you there, I was too busy admiring the bag of the girl sitting at the table next to me at the café where I’m typing this – so very french chic of me but I’m actually on my lunch break – and I know that all of you can relate to this, everyone likes to take a sneaky look at other girl’s bags, because it’s just majestic hot stuff and we all know this! But what you didn’t know is that a girl’s bag says an awful lot about her, even if she doesn’t know it. Even if she does not do it on purpose she is unconsciously trying to say something about her inner personality or her life with that amazing pack of joy she is carrying on her arm. So hop on this crazy train with me and discover a whole neeeeeew world – yes I made a Disney reference, deal with it! And listen, I own way more bags than I’d like to confess, so I’m basically talking trash about me ok? So chill, it’s self irony, people say it’s sexy and I hope it can be part of my curriculum cause that’s basically the only thing I can do…! But enough chit chat, let’s get serious here, are you ready?
A shiny new it bag means: “My birthday was last week, and this is my highly anticipated present which I’ve begged my mother for about the last six months!” or it means “I’ve been starving myself for a year saving on my grocery shopping and other very essential things because of this bag, and now actually I kind of hate it…” or it means “I’ve sold one of my kidneys on the black market for this, because there is no effing way that I am a student living alone in a big city and I can actually afford this bag. No effing way”.
A soft large weekender bag mens “I’m such a free spirit, I only carry my Reflex, a bottle of Evian and nothing else in this huge bag because that’s all I need for living! Also I don’t care what you think about me because of reasons I can’t explain to you because I don’t care about you. But I care enough to wear this expansive but not pretentious bag so… yeah, do you want to grab a greek yogurt later?”.
Louis Vuitton luggages mean “I’m Paris Hilton”.
A bejeweled clutch means: “Look at me, I’m so chic, sophisticated and well put together! I can organize all that I need for the night in a microscopic and very unpractical bag. I’m also going to judge you while you search your wallet in your so very not fashionable large bag because you’re a normal human being and I’m a perfect plastic-made doll! Oh and did I mention I actually found a parking spot right in front of the restaurant? What do you mean you came by the tram?”.
A monogrammed bag means: “I’m so cool and fashionable but I’m going to act like I’m very relatable and funny because I don’t want you to think that I’m a snob. I’m mommy and daddy little precious princess. Look at me I’m adorable, do you love me yet?” or it means “All my friends have the same bag and we kept swapping them so I made a bold choice”.
A backpack means “I’m a student and leave me alone cause I have more important stuff to do right now than listen to you”.
A make-up bag instead of an actual purse means “My mom didn’t teach me how to dress appropriately” it also mean “WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?! GET A PROPER BAG!”
A Mansur Gavriel bucket bag means “I’ve spent an entire day refreshing the site when they restocked it and nobody is going to take away my victory from me. I’m going to use and show off this bag off like a trophy because it is an actual trophy, and I’ve earned it with evert single click I’ve use to refresh that damned site! It’s so difficult to have one of these bags, that I’m going to cherish it forever! This bag is so uncatchable that I couldn’t even find an illustration of it!”
A Birkin or a Kelly means “I’m not fooling around here, my bag investment game is on fleek because this bag cost as much as a car, so don’t even try to touch it or I’ll kill you I swear”!
And finally no bag means “I’m twelve years old and I still think it’s very uncomfortable to carry around a heavy pack of crap with me, but wait until I discover fashion magazines…”
Hope this little dictionary was useful for all of you ladies and gentlemen out there, let me know what do you think about it and, since I feel like the moment I post this I’ll remember a ton of other things to say, write me a comment whit your opinions or suggestions! And again since I’m practically making fun of myself here no offense taken. Ok? Pinkie promise? Fine. Love you, byeeeeeeeeeee!